I’m terribly jittery this morning. I think my agita is due to the abrupt awakening at 6:35 by the unfamiliar bleating of my dreadful alarm clock – or the crater of coffee guzzled (with cloying, choking chocolate croissant) by 8:30 – that has put my mind and stomach in a tizzy. First day back at the desk (yes, i do actually have a job) and my mind is swirling around thoughts of… my boyfriend.
We’ve spent practically all of the past eleven days side by side traveling from New York to Georgia to New York, from family gatherings to a sordid social at the Eagle. The past week and a half feels like a month and I’m sure I’ve shown him more of my true self in that short period of time than since we met (at the Eagle) last February.
He saw some of my inner ugliness in Cedartown: that malcontent ogre who storms from his cave when simply chilling with the family, and the apologetic mess who tries (in vain) to clean up the resulting awkwardness of that bully’s boorishness.
(Newsflash: I’m an angry person. I have been for a very long time. And it embarrasses me terribly. It’s all so very exhausting for all parties involved. This year will be a journey to discover why I’m so angry.)
He was also privy to some of my unbridled joy. New Year’s Eve was a particularly happy evening for us. Looking back at the past, looking toward the future kind of thing (new apartment together – possible kitten) – mixed with a lot of kissing and me talking with more strangers than usual (despite my bravado and churlishness I’m quite shy at times). We ended the evening confiding some of our deepest personal desires to one another. His acceptance made my heart … swell.
Edith Frost played on my computer and we laid there in our usual spots. Me on the left – on my back (easier for me to snore and snore), him on the right on his side hugging the third pillow (easier for him to cover his ears while he elbows me). Lost and still together in the darkness of our bedroom. I couldn’t sleep. Just focused on the music – the lyrics – her melodic voice – the warmth of his pointy elbow – and eventually I coaxed myself into the first hours of 2006. We slept until 1:30 pm that afternoon.
The following Sunday (Jan 1, 2006) found us hidden like vampires behind heavy drapes watching, yes, vampires (one of our favorite genres) on the television. The previous evening’s cocktail of Tylenol PMs and bottled waters served to waylay much of any resulting hangover (that and a disgusting amount of Beef Chow Fun noodles and Imperial Chicken). We dumped the dishes in the sink where still they remain.
So here we are dear reader: 2006! The boyfriend and I vow creativity and self-expression in the next 362 days! We vow love and candor with one another! We vow to not be quite such messy boys! (How is it that other gays are so clean?) We vow healthy living choices! We vow to find an awesome apartment! We vow to blog with integrity and … ok, so honestly, most of this is all stuff that I only vowed. All of it is actually mine. One of the loveliest features of my paramour is his nonchalance regarding absolutely everything.
Neil: “I vow to do everything wonderful this year! You?”
Boyfriend: “eh… I vow to chill out and have a few beers. Want one?”
Breath deep and sit in a tub full of soothing bath beads. Light a scented candle and listen to some mellow Edith Frost. Let those thoughts swirl about the boyfriend and drink a beer. The past eleven days I learned that living is fairly simple. There’s always that shit that complicates everyone’s life. I’m not making light of anyone’s complications and challenges, but threatening to sue the eyeglass store over a pair of lenses three days overdue is silly Neil, seriously. (Angry. Boy. Needs. Attention. Now!!!)
What to expect in the life of this contemporary dandy in 2006?
There’s going to be a lot more in the way of personal disclosures. There’s going to be more cartoons and drawings. And as always, I’ll be catching up with Michaud, Etienne and the other “gloominaries” of the New York dandy-scene. Joy.
And, I’ll have you to keep me company. Welcome to 2006 dear readers. I vow to love you as much as my sweet, patient boyfriend – and you don’t even have to put up with my snoring.