May 05, 2005

Two Steps Back

Controversy has taken centerstage on Fox's hit reality TV show American Idol. Wednesday, ABC's Primetime Live showcased a critical report stating that former Idol contestant Corey Clark had a secret romance with Idol judge Paula Abdul. Abdul has straight up denied any state of attraction and swears that she gave no favors to the young crooner including a new wardrobe, prescription cough medicine and sex, lots and lots of sex. In the wake of the controversy, however, a former colleague has emerged with some personal insight and fresh allegations against the bubbly pop diva, and according to MC Skat Kat there's darkness hiding behind Ms. Abdul's cheery exterior. DoaCD caught up with MC Skat Kat while he was choreographing a Fresh Step commercial in SoHo, New York.
Gayest Neil: Tell me Mr. Kat--
MC Skat Kat: Call me Skat.
GN: Ew. Ok. Skat, when did you first meet Paula Abdul.
MC: It was down in Compton. I was there doing my thang, some street dancing, some hustling, playing the numbers. I was barely a kitten. Well, I hears about dis gal named Paula Abdul, all exotic and shit. She was in town doin' the little club circuit at the time. So I'm all like I'll check her shit out.
GN: And your first impressions?
MC: She was a'ight. Kind of whiney in her singing, ya know? But there was something there. I knew dis gal was gonna be big. Good dancer.
GN: You admired her dancing?
MC: Damn straight. She had some moves! I met her outside the club and says 'Ms. Abdul, my name's MC Skat Kat and I'm a dancing, cartoon cat. We're going to be famous.' And she's all smoking a bong and says--
GN: Skat, you're alleging Ms. Abdul was smoking marijuana?
MC: Damn straight. She's all high and her eyes are lazy and she's like 'Hey kitty, get in my fucking limo!' So I do.
GN: Incredible. What happened next?
MC: Well a few months later her career took off and before I knows it I'm in Paris, Milan, Dallas, all the far away places with her on tour.
GN: Tell me about your relationship with Ms. Abdul.
MC: It was good to begin with. . . i guess. She was my homegirl, but we was more than all that.
GN: Were you in love?
MC: Shit sissy. I ain't the type who falls in love. But with her, yeah, it was different, you know?
GN: Do you think Paula Abdul see's something in bad boys? Like you and Mr. Clark?
MC: (choking up) I told myself I wasn't going to cry. . .
GN: Let's talk the video for Opposites Attract.
MC: That video be my proudest moments. I remembers me and Paula was practicing some steps and making a dance and she puts down her bong and goes 'Kitty, I'll take two steps forward...' and I says 'I'll take two steps back...' and it just clicked. And she asked me to be in the video.
GN: You must have been proud.
MC: Dis be a natural fact. I was proud a'ight. But I had no idea what a cold hearted, jealous bitch Paula was. In 1990 "Opposites Attract" went on MTV. I became a household name! I'd go out and all the finest pussy be like 'Ooh Skat Kat, let me spray my scents on you!' and 'Ooh Skat Kat, come fuck me with your barbed, feline penis.'
GN: Tell me about the 1991 Grammy awards.
MC: "Opposites Attract" won the best video award. I wasn't invited. I wasn't there. I didn't get shit.
GN: But you have credit in the video!
MC: Paula's lawyers made sure I disappeared. She says to me, 'Kitty, I'm sorry, but you're getting too big.' The next morning she was gone. I never heard from her again.
GN: What happened next?
MC: Me and my old crew, the Stray Mob, we made us a record "The Adventures of MC Skat Kat and the Stray Mob".
GN: It didn't sell very well?
MC: Hell no! Paula's posse made sure of that. She was leaving messages telling me not to fuck with her and to stop using her dance moves. That move is half mine you bitch. I'm gonna kill her! I mean it this time!
GN: So you did hear from her again after she left you?
MC: Bitch, who the fuck are you? Barbara Walters?
GN: Finally, where do you see MC Skat Kat ten years from now.
MC: If I'm not dead, I'll probably be living in a trash can eating rotting pigeons and McDonald's french fries. My life ain't too good right now. Hey, maybe that Corey Clark kid can call me up and we can do a video or something?

1 comment:

bryce said...

This may go down in history as the most elaborate "I'm not gay" coverup in history. My God! That guy looks like he just spilled off the dancefloor at Splash!