January 02, 2006

Penny Not Saved

The voice of New York's morning news got a lot less scratchy. Over the holiday season Fox 5 quietly drop-kicked morning correspondent Penny Crone. Anyone who woke up to Fox 5 will remember Penny Crone as the blond, older reporter who was regularly given a wide variety of early hour journalistic assignments.

"This is Penny Crone and I'm eating Philly Cheesesteaks!"

"This is Penny Crone and I'm learning to face paint!"

"This is Penny Crone and I'm masturbating racing horses!"

No assignment was beneath this aging reporter's dignity. And the smug desk reporters took passive glee as they quietly mocked her wacky antics. "Oh Penny!" Several of my rugby mates had the chance to do a morning segment with Ms. Crone.

"This is Penny Crone and I'm having my hair done by gay ruggers!"

Actually they were teaching her how to play rugby and do her hair. My mates confirmed my suspicions: she is professional, very sweet and a little crazy. Oh Penny, myself (and the rest of New York) are going to miss your adventurous spirit and your nicotine scarred voice. (Now all we have is that stupid segment Mike's Mystery Monday UGH!) Here's hoping you find a home on a better network who recognizes true talent and limitless campy charm.

p.s. Fox 5, I am available for immediate hire. I have limitless campy charm and am an expert horse masturbator. tah-tah!


Anonymous said...

I'll miss her zany antics. She was like your crazy, chainsmoking aunt...the one who slipped you nips of Beam out of her flask when you were 13.

Anonymous said...

That is some sad shit. It made me happy that I lived in a society where we let obviously unbalanced people work as on-air talent in our news division.

Anonymous said...

I wondered what the hell happened. Saw her once eating at Dominic's in the Bronx. Loved her will miss her and since Channel 2 got everyone I think i'll switch.