July 19, 2006

Lament of the $9.27 Salad

Lament of the $9.27 Salad
By Gayest Neil

Such pleasing greens
With teasing yellows
My crispy charade
Selections so mellow

A plastic bowl my canvas.
Unto which piled I edible hues;
Succulent spinach and
Pungent cheeses of bleu

Chicken Cajun spiced,
Sprinkled with corn so sweet
So fresh, so nice.
“NEXT?!!” Hector cried!

Thusly eyed I via sneeze guard
Urged on by my Mexican tosser
Broccoli verdant and gourds?
“Hector NO!” (Squash is softer)

Zounds! Free choices four:
Croutons, red onion, scallions
One more? Soy sprouts? “Doubt it.
Vinegar & oil, please!" by the gallions

“What karat is that veggie?” Kidding,
And more, "Orange you gonna add
A bunny's treat to mine
Lunch?" My latest diet fad.

Exercise I duly received upon
Hefting mine profound veggie bowl
"Did river rocks I order Hector?"
The salad weighed heavy like this dandy’s soul.

Unto the petite cashier
Lugged I my leaden legumes
She glanced at my construction
Glanced into my eyes, and resumed

Fingers so quick flew cross keys
A drzzt drzzt brrr drzzt ripped
Handed I the printed receipt
Fainting from consciousness, I slipped!

I came to thinking t’was
All but macabre nightmare
A fool’s poem of vinegar tossed veggies
A warning for kids to scare

Hector rocked me in arms so strong
The deli crowd’s sorrowful pity
Whilst that ticket scorched my hand
Beguiled by fucking bacon bits so itty so bitty

Paid I the nine dollars terrible
With twenty seven cent sacrament
Unto my hungry luncheon gluttony.
(Even free bread failed to ease my lament.)


FiL said...

Gotta watch those bastard salads - they'll stab you in the back every time...


bryce said...


I said the same thing, though much less eloquently, the other day when I had a $10 salad.

Just wait until the inevitable global warming droughts begin. $3 gallons of gas? How about $5 heads of lettuce?

Paul said...

Buy the already made salads at Pret a Manger.. they're almost as good as the pick it yerself ones.

Gayest Neil said...

Well... sigh. It was my own fault for straying from the dependable yumminess of my prepared salads at my work's cafeteria.
$6 = big salad with romaine lettuce, goat cheese, sliced chicken, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, cucumber, grated carrot and basalmic vinagrette with a Dasani water and a roll. Man it's only 10:45 and I'm already hungry.

FiL said...

Mmm, goat cheese... Luvverly-jubberly... Drool... Slobber... Oops, left a puddle. Sorry, I'll clean it up.


Foxy said...

One of the many reasons America is fat. Why spend 9 dollars on a salad when you can eat off the Wendy's 99cent menu?

Back when I used to have a job, we ordered $12 salads on a regular basis. Ah, how wasteful and extravagant I used to be.

Mark said...

try working over here in the glamorous Meatpacking District.
I don't know how these children can afford to eat the lunches they pick up every day at the Chelsea Market.

I'm sticking with tuna. I think I'm past my child-bearing years, and have nothing to worry about. Except maybe dolphins.