May 31, 2006

Battered Rhyme

Finally, my big toe has stopped oozing
stinky puss;
my big toe nail trimmed far, far, far back
and swabbed with alcoholic astringent (and copious curses).
My left shoulder no longer a bulbous Quasi Modo’s hunch,
although to rest upon it causes a deadly moan ah.
Oh, nevermind, Desdemona was in Othello.
Esmerelda was the hunchback's dame.

My first injury of Bingham,
a thunderous fall on my left thigh
(such impact rattled my vainly beefy leg
right into my femur bone)
has finally diminished into a grey/green bruise
the size of a storm cloud.

Hidden on the backside of my ear
dermal scarring, no cauliflower but crudités
Both knees scabrous burgundy bubbles of
mashed, marred skin placed above
shins, a splattered mosaic of brown/blue/red splotches,
wounds from various kicks/scrapes/cuts achieved
during two hundred and thirty five minutes of rugby played.

A novice sleuth may easily deduce
the violent, violet handprints crossing my
biceps and pectorals. Tackles attempted
(and failed, thank you).

Deep inside, hidden from eyes,
lays a strained string of muscle,
snaking along my stomach’s underside.

And as I type, my hands
(once mirror images) appear distorted
as though seen through a carnival’s glass.
The right, as normal as ever it was.
The left, a sickly mustard yellow flecked
with six crimson abrasions from an
aggressive rugger’s spiked cleat;
his attempt to mash my precious lefty into ground meat!


MEK the Bear said...

Ouch! I hope your feeling better, or at least taking great painkillers! I seem to remember hearing you made your first score? So where's the pictures of your Zulu? *teehee*

Gayest Neil said...

Hahaha. There are some photos of my zulu floating around. Luckily my buddy Kevin ALSO had his zulu at the same time, so I didn't have to be target of all the flashing cell phones as we dashed down the pitch.

Mike P. said...

You played like a champ, champ.
Especially that hit that Bryce and I caught.

Just plowed... right... into...



Got lost there for a sec.

But yeah.

You guys were great.
It even made me toy with the idea of joining The Knights.
Hee hee hee.
We'll see.
Working 7 days a week doesn't help.
But man...
I really wanted to...




I gotta go.


jimbo said...

Ouch! All I got was a sunburn.

Regarding your pussy toe, is it due to a cleat smash, or aggravated ingrown toenail? If it is the latter, I highly recommend getting them removed completely. Drop me a line if you need the 411 on this procedure.

Gayest Neil said...

haha. Pussy Toe sounds erotic.

It's due to toenail smash. My first season I lost both big toenails and they grew back, eventually.

This one will likely fall off as well in two-three weeks.

Foxy said...

Okay, ew. Maybe rugby players aren't hot.

FiL said...

Gentlemen, we can rebuild him...


circleinasquare said...


Mark said...

well, it sounds like you had fun, then.

Gareth said...

Which is exactly why as a schochool kid I took every step to avoid playing the game. I would even go to extraordinary lengths to avoid getting mud over my legs.

Glyn said...

could have been worse, you might have been playing for Cardiff, and then think of the injuries you might have had! Hope you're healing well :)